Moving Backward or Moving Onward?

"Moving on was never easy."

Ruptured Heart
Being in love in a person and having the same curse as me? Living a broken and jaded life left alone? They said, just move on. But it wasnt easy. Really, exactly. If its for real, its hard, but at some cases if its just nothing but a joke, you can move on in a flash. And what i feel now is for a reality. A reality that keeps on giving a stabbing pain that ruptures my heart. Im broken. Emo, they say.

Bloodrage
Living a life like this, is a ghostly curse. Not all people can see it in a person. As for me, im indefinite, i used to fake. Writing here is some kind of an exorcism for me. Releasing the wraith curse on your heart. You woke up on a day, live with it, laugh at times, sleep, then the same again. But not as always. There are certain times youll sentiment. Times youll think of things like this. Its uncomfortable, its like when the effect of an anesthesia on you wores off. Pain. Emotional suffering time again.

Blood bath
They want me to move on. Its for so long. The wounds turned to scars. But i cant. Why? Coz i dont want to. I still wanna fight. Im not dead yet. Im still alive and breathing, hoping, wishing. I told them im gonna move backward. But i dont know how though. Im just letting time pass me by. Passing unnoticedly, time fading. A lesson i remembered, not to take time a waste. It must be treasured the single way, precious tic and tac of the clock. I must do something.

Blood Thirst
As im writing this, im seeing a ray of hope in me. Thinking of possible things that might happen, if and only if i make some actions. But, i cant. Im numb. Im weak. Im scared. There is only one thing i know that can make me fine. Its when, "I'll tell her, that I LOVE HER." .But how, when, where, and what? I used to plan on it. But it always get disrupted. What? What if she rejects me solely? Yeah. It will make me hurt more worst, but at last, i will accept it. Its the only thing thats left and i havent tried yet. Just a right timing. But when? Hopes it wont be late. What if she accepts and love me back. Edi ayos. Kaso mahirap talaga. Pero gagawin ko dahil:
life is unconstant.
Many inevitable things might happen.
Its the only way.
I wanna be free.
It will be a great part of a change in me.
That will make me a better person no matter what.

Iba kasi ang lagay ko eh. Its not the theme thats "its Over", but its a "Goodbye" that hasnt been started. Worst. Being "Vulnerable" helps me breathe in this life. Ang gulo ko na masyado. Basta yun. Mahal na mahal kita!! I love you.Break me so i can be free and die, love me back so i can live more and be born again...

Posted in: life, Love